Yall ever have a pet that likes you but no one else? A dog that barked and barked at every body else in the house but let you pet it and rub its belly? There’s a special feeling that comes with that right? Like if no one else in this world sees it…this animal sees that you're special.
Well as long as I can remember it’s been like that for me and women. I’m attracted to the bitch. That’s right ladies I said BITCH and I meant that shit too. The bitch that takes no shit. The bitch you have to come at correctly or get a chunk of your ass bitten off. That bitch has been my weakness since the age of 7.
I often try to rationalize it by calling it the “Bad Girl Syndrome”. Similar to the “Bad Boy Syndrome” so many women seem to fall victim to. But that’s not accurate in my case cause though I love a bad girl (shit I’m from Brooklyn…bad girls is all I knew coming up)…it’s the fact that I could be the only one that gets in good…the only one she treats with kindness that draws me in.
Needless to say the shit rarely works out for me. The last one I met is a now good friend of mine that to this day still gives me shit daily. Danny…for lack of a better made up name…got me off jump. We were in a meeting when I first noticed her. The look was nice. Deep brown eyes…extra full lips…and a butter-pecan tone that made it hard to take my eyes off her. I played the corner of our conference room…just shooting the shit with an old friend…while I watched her make her way through the crowd with a look on her face like that fucking conference filled with those fucking people was the last place she wanted to be. She made her way over to us and stood there talking to my boys holding her celly in her hand as if she had no plans on staying long at all.
Up close I got a really good look at Danny from the neck down. Now I’m no breast man but her 36C’s sent all sorts of erotic thoughts racing through my mind and as my eyes scrolled down her body I could tell through her tight business skirt that she was working with enough to keep a certified ass-man like myself happy through the years.
The silver casing of the cell phone she held in her hand that was resting on hip caught my attention and gave me an idea so I decided to seize the moment (especially since no one at the table was thinking about giving up an introduction). I gently pulled the phone from her grip and began going through all the features like we were old friends. Finally Danny looked down at me gave a nonchalant smirk and signaled down to her hand that was opened waiting for me to return her property. She left…without saying a word…but it just made me want to get to know her that much more.
We worked closely together in the upcoming months. I got to know that in fact she was a true bitch at times. She had a way of shutting a cat down before he even got started. So I pushed up. Not too hard…cause the smell of desperation is a turn off for any sex…male or female. And I got shot down with everything in the arsenal from “I got a man” to “I don’t date co-workers”.
Over the last two years Danny and I got to be really close…though her attitude gets to be a bit much at times. I mean I try to do right…be there to listen to the problems…lend out my shit…offer what little I have to give and it always seems to be met with that same bitchy attitude. I don’t take it personal though. See that’s the attitude everyone gets from her. And though I swear some days I’ll never speak to her rude ass again when I see her the next day it’s like that flick 50 First Dates and we always start with a clean slate.
Danny’s the one I called at 1:30 in the morning when I couldn’t sleep and I saw that chick that got burned up by the drunk driver tell Oprah and the world that she only gives herself 5 minutes a day to feel sorry for herself. She’s the first one I come at when the question of women and their weird ass ways leave me feeling like I’ll never get em. She’s the one I trusted enough to try some shit that I swore I’d never in my life try but in my older years got curious about.
Learning to understand her has even helped me to understand my Bitch-Fetish. You see I came to respect that a true bitch says whats on her mind. She doesn’t lie to spare your feelings and me…I have a deep seeded resentment of liars. After being lied to I always felt like I’ve been manipulate. And I’ve found that I rarely feel that way when it comes to her. Yes…she is a true bitch…but Danny…that’s my bitch right there.
So whats left to do but hold her…and all of the bullshit she be slinging…down. To understand that deep down she got love or she wouldn’t be there when it was me that was in need. To give up the hopes of us getting together and just accept the odd and sometimes frustrating relationship that we got (aight…I aint totally writing off the possibility of us getting together I just refuse to push up…if she realizes that she wants me she’ll have to put in some work and come get me).
HA!!! I can just hear all the colorful explicatives flying outta her mouth if only she knew I was writing this about her or even happened to read this. LMAO!!! I might just tell her to come on over and check it out…just to hear her bitch about it. Shit I haven't told anyone to shut the fuck up yet today...HA!
Oh...and as an aside...Elle of Elle's Garden is a great person...(she threatened me with violence if I dont mention her name in every blog entry...happy now sucka?? LMAO!!!)
Friday, April 30, 2004
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Who says cartoons dont teach?
“With great power, comes great responsibility.”
Most guys out there know this quote. For the uninformed these are the pearls of wisdom passed on to Spiderman by his dear old Uncle Ben…no not the white guy on the rice box.
Now during the final 10 minutes of my daily trek home I usually recall the days events…trying to make sense out of all the BS that’s gone down during the day. I try to find any hidden lessons that eluded me due to my arrogance. I try to calm myself and prepare for the 2 bundles of joy that played no part in pissing me off beyond the levels of pissed-off-icity at work…and I try to think of something I can share with them that they may not know about this world that they are in.
“With great power, comes great responsibility.”
It popped into my head like a familiar old 80’s cut…and played itself over and over again until I couldn’t ignore it any longer. And then along came the epiphany. (Mind you I love epiphanies…they remind me that though I think I know it all…I truly only understand very little of it).
I have GREAT POWER! Imagine my surprise.
It’s like the time in the 5th grade when my little white friend Danny comes up and asks me who I think the strongest person in the class is. “Maurice of course” I tell him “He always gets homeruns when we’re playing punch-ball and he throws a football farther than anyone I know”. Danny’s expression changed and in a serious tone he asked, “What about you?” What about me? The thought never crossed my mind. Me…the strongest person in our class? HA!!! Stronger than Maurice? I still laugh about that when I think about it. It’s strange how strongly we can be affected by how others see us. Well at this very moment…it dawned on me that Uncle Ben’s quote wasn’t just about web-slinging…spidey-senses…incredible feats of strength. There’s more to power.
Sure I can drop any cat on the street for gritting on me with one blow…I learned that years ago when I finally started feeling the weight behind my punches. It’s a euphoric feeling at times…yes. But still I am the slowest person to raise his hands in violence. It’s just not my way. I prefer to use my strength for better things. For carrying a shit load of grocery bags home…in the summer heat…walking these long ass VA streets. (By the way VDOT…yall really need to put some more sidewalks up in this beyotch) I like to surprise my special someone with a night of earth-moving…muscle straining…headboard breaking…love making. The type that gets you the eggs in bed the next morning…don’t fake yall know what I’m talking bout here. I like to use my power to entertain my youth…lifting all three of em up…two in my arms and one on my back and acting as if I don’t even notice them on me…its my responsibility to use that power to entertain them…to protect them…to better this world while I’m here…to bring forth change. We have a lot of responsibilities as black men, fathers and husbands because we have such great power.
As I finally made it to my front door…so lost in thought I didn’t even remember exactly how I got there…I wondered how I would share this concept with the two shorties waiting upstairs. I started to feel like old ass Uncle Ben himself just knowing that they would not get it. But like the old man…who knew no one is promised another day on this planet…I decided to put the words out there for them and only hope that one day…like their pops they too would understand what true power is…that they are powerful…and how to use it.
Most guys out there know this quote. For the uninformed these are the pearls of wisdom passed on to Spiderman by his dear old Uncle Ben…no not the white guy on the rice box.
Now during the final 10 minutes of my daily trek home I usually recall the days events…trying to make sense out of all the BS that’s gone down during the day. I try to find any hidden lessons that eluded me due to my arrogance. I try to calm myself and prepare for the 2 bundles of joy that played no part in pissing me off beyond the levels of pissed-off-icity at work…and I try to think of something I can share with them that they may not know about this world that they are in.
“With great power, comes great responsibility.”
It popped into my head like a familiar old 80’s cut…and played itself over and over again until I couldn’t ignore it any longer. And then along came the epiphany. (Mind you I love epiphanies…they remind me that though I think I know it all…I truly only understand very little of it).
I have GREAT POWER! Imagine my surprise.
It’s like the time in the 5th grade when my little white friend Danny comes up and asks me who I think the strongest person in the class is. “Maurice of course” I tell him “He always gets homeruns when we’re playing punch-ball and he throws a football farther than anyone I know”. Danny’s expression changed and in a serious tone he asked, “What about you?” What about me? The thought never crossed my mind. Me…the strongest person in our class? HA!!! Stronger than Maurice? I still laugh about that when I think about it. It’s strange how strongly we can be affected by how others see us. Well at this very moment…it dawned on me that Uncle Ben’s quote wasn’t just about web-slinging…spidey-senses…incredible feats of strength. There’s more to power.
Sure I can drop any cat on the street for gritting on me with one blow…I learned that years ago when I finally started feeling the weight behind my punches. It’s a euphoric feeling at times…yes. But still I am the slowest person to raise his hands in violence. It’s just not my way. I prefer to use my strength for better things. For carrying a shit load of grocery bags home…in the summer heat…walking these long ass VA streets. (By the way VDOT…yall really need to put some more sidewalks up in this beyotch) I like to surprise my special someone with a night of earth-moving…muscle straining…headboard breaking…love making. The type that gets you the eggs in bed the next morning…don’t fake yall know what I’m talking bout here. I like to use my power to entertain my youth…lifting all three of em up…two in my arms and one on my back and acting as if I don’t even notice them on me…its my responsibility to use that power to entertain them…to protect them…to better this world while I’m here…to bring forth change. We have a lot of responsibilities as black men, fathers and husbands because we have such great power.
As I finally made it to my front door…so lost in thought I didn’t even remember exactly how I got there…I wondered how I would share this concept with the two shorties waiting upstairs. I started to feel like old ass Uncle Ben himself just knowing that they would not get it. But like the old man…who knew no one is promised another day on this planet…I decided to put the words out there for them and only hope that one day…like their pops they too would understand what true power is…that they are powerful…and how to use it.
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
So, where was I? Ah! The eve of my exodus from Brooklyn to HU and higher learning.
Well I did something less than intelligent that evening which wound me in Long Island lock up. With concert tickets and plans on being out of the house all night anyway I opted to call everyone except my mother and step father that I could and if they couldn’t get me out I would do my time and face the judge in the morning and make up a lame excuse once I made it home. The longest night of my life doesn’t begin to describe that evening. Little did I know the morning held a surprise that would make the evening seem like a vacation.
After being transported to the court house, and a long wait in a cell in the basement I’m taken to the court room entrance and ordered to file in behind the others waiting to be heard. As I walk in I look over the crowd that filled the seats only to see four familiar faces sitting in the front row. My mother, step-father, dad and step-mother. WHOA!!! Not only am I wondering how in the hell they found out but if they knew where I was why in the hell didn’t they come post bail before now?
Needless to say after a long four hour ride to HU with all four in the mini-van unloading barrage after barrage of disappointed looks and disappointed words at me I found a slight appreciation for my timing in the matter. After all if I was still living at home I’d be hearing about my mistake for weeks if not months instead of just four hours. Either way, I’d live.
Ok Ok…I’m sure we all know how this story goes…(lets hope so because I’m feeling a little to lazy to go into great detail with it…LOL) HU gave me way too much freedom…way too little guidance…and before long I was one co-founder of my own dance company (Subtle Motion)…had a child on the way (never turn you back on a stalker)…and switched gears from education to real life.
But enough about me…
Well I did something less than intelligent that evening which wound me in Long Island lock up. With concert tickets and plans on being out of the house all night anyway I opted to call everyone except my mother and step father that I could and if they couldn’t get me out I would do my time and face the judge in the morning and make up a lame excuse once I made it home. The longest night of my life doesn’t begin to describe that evening. Little did I know the morning held a surprise that would make the evening seem like a vacation.
After being transported to the court house, and a long wait in a cell in the basement I’m taken to the court room entrance and ordered to file in behind the others waiting to be heard. As I walk in I look over the crowd that filled the seats only to see four familiar faces sitting in the front row. My mother, step-father, dad and step-mother. WHOA!!! Not only am I wondering how in the hell they found out but if they knew where I was why in the hell didn’t they come post bail before now?
Needless to say after a long four hour ride to HU with all four in the mini-van unloading barrage after barrage of disappointed looks and disappointed words at me I found a slight appreciation for my timing in the matter. After all if I was still living at home I’d be hearing about my mistake for weeks if not months instead of just four hours. Either way, I’d live.
Ok Ok…I’m sure we all know how this story goes…(lets hope so because I’m feeling a little to lazy to go into great detail with it…LOL) HU gave me way too much freedom…way too little guidance…and before long I was one co-founder of my own dance company (Subtle Motion)…had a child on the way (never turn you back on a stalker)…and switched gears from education to real life.
But enough about me…
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)