A Sleepless Night...

I’m comfortable. My body is tired from the day it just survived. The new day has crept in slowly and yet my subconscious is held captive by its evil twin…my consciousness. And as my well due sleep escapes me my mind races. Across all the wrongs I’ve done in my life that I have yet to right…all of the words that I haven’t had the courage to speak…all of the people that I let my busy life keep me from.

You know I always considered myself a “live today like it’s your last” type of person…but with each passing day I see how easy it is to do the exact opposite. How easy it is to think “Hey I made it through last night…I’ll call so-and-so tomorrow” “Whats one more day?” The excuses come easier.

Besides ignoring anyone that has actually taken the time to come and check for updates to my small piece of the planet here I’ve ignored one good friend after another. Years and years of relationships I’ve seemed to let slip into darkness…instead of taking 15 minutes to pick up a phone and breathing life into them. Well I make a vow to spend tomorrow burning up my remaining AT&T Go minutes breathing life into every relationship I can…but tonight…while I lay here I’ll take the time to update you guys on what’s been popping with me lately.

Well I don’t have my blog here to see whats the last thing I let you guys in on…so let me start by saying my daughter moved in with her moms last week. It ripped me up inside. Her last day here her and her brother came in with their report cards and I’ll be damned if that morning ritual of “G’s and O’s” didn’t pay off. She brought me nothing but Goods and Outstandings as grades. She actually listened to me…she actually maintained or exceeded every grade she got last quarter…and then she left. Did I mention it ripped me up?

Well its not like she’s not here every weekend…but still…it aint the same.

Now my son…he aint listen a lick. But I’m hoping that it was just a lack of focus. Because I took away every distraction I came across for the entire summer. Video games…computers…all that shit…gone. He seems to be adjusting though. I’m catching him with his nose in books instead of LCDs and there’s something fulfilling about the sight.

My three loyal readers…please tell me whats up with these damn late night commercials. I mean are there actually people out here that are so lonely and with so much cash that they will dish out $2.99 to talk to strangers on the phone? The vultures profiting from these disenfranchised and anti-social perverts should be lined up and forced to look at these whack ass commercials they’re putting out. This shit truly needs to end.

OH…speaking of television…on one of my recent string of “yall don’t pay me enough to do this shit-fuck work”-me-days I caught an episode of Sharon Osbourne’s talk show. PWAHAHAHA!!! I’m laughing now…but at the time the shit was as painful to watch as the Laker’s getting swept by fucking Detroit…FUCKING DETROIT??? Anyway…her opening monologue just left me asking one question…WHAT THE FUCK??? I mean has anyone else seen this shit? Now I don’t have cable…so the whole Osbourne craze flew right by me without a trace which may be the reason why watching her sit on a couch and talk was about as interesting as watching anyone besides Tiger Woods play 18 holes of golf. But then here comes the kicker…her first guest was Nelly. Yes the Tip Drill man himself rolls out…san-band aid above the eye…and proceeds to politic with this British chick. What they spoke about I can’t even lie and say I know because after the sheer shock of seeing these two sitting on a couch exchanging pleasantries faded the forced conversation just got to be too painful for me to bear. Click.

One more TV jewel I need to pass on here…mainly to the ladies. Divorce Court. Now this is what I call a fucking show. I mean I’m a half hour late to work damn near EVERY day to watch stupid fuckers who actually have to think to themselves at one point in time “No…getting a divorce itself is not embarrassing and degrading enough for us…No…let’s go do it on TV!!!” Oh yeah. A couple is getting their TV divorce and as usual a black man is playing the role of loafer/deadbeat dad. His wife is putting all of his business out there and complaining to her sister…the honorable Judge Mabeline Ethram (I love this chick by the way) about how she needs to collect this child support that her separated husband is not paying and has not been paying. By this time judge Mabeline has run his deadbeat ass over the hot coals long enough…she tired of toying with his clown ass and she’s ready to dispense some good old fashioned TV justice.

Judge: OK…so Sister Girl…you’re asking for child support right?
Wife: I sure am…Sister Girl. *insert air-high-five*
Judge: Well Deadbeat Dad…how much do you make a month?
Deadbeat: Well I pull in about 3 grand a month ma’am but I pay support for my other kids too. *insert dirty looks and eye rolls from every woman in the courtroom here*
Judge: Sister Girl…how much do you make a month?
Wife: Well I’m not working.
Judge: Sister Girl…you’re not working? Well how do you take care of your son?
Wife: His father is taking care of him *pointing to the deadbeat*
Judge: Oh! The deadbeat’s father is financially assisting with the baby?
Wife: No…the baby stays with its father…the deadbeat.


WHAT IN THE HOT HOLY FUCK IS GOING ON HERE????!!!

This “deadbeat” is raising his son while his wife is at home…feet kicked up on the leather couch and ottoman…watching her soaps on the big screen…popping Bon-Bons like Peg Bundy out this bitch and this freak wants to collect child support for it. PWAHAHAHAHA!!! Now as the wave of shock wears passes me I realize I can’t blame her. That’s the type of fucked up mentality this country’s family judicial system is perpetuating to our young sisters. She’s a victim here…she had a baby…the deadbeat aint with her no more…where’s her fucking check right? LMAO!!! OH MY GOD!!!

Now after the judge set the wife’s confused ass straight with a few choice words she ordered her to give up her life of leisure find a fucking job and pay child support to her newly ex’d husband. You gotta love judge Mabeline boy.

Aight people an update on my love life…this just in…my love life aint really about shit right now. No long term prospects in my future…though I am enjoying the time I get to spend with friends from time to time. I know Monie is just looking for the update on the sex issue? Well Monie, we won’t walk down that embarrassing trail again but to you and the rest of the commentators that thought the outlook of a second chance was bleak you definitely underestimated the power of the truth. Not only did I get a second chance…but I have a feeling that comfort has set in…and who knows how many times I’ll be offered to get it right *BIG SMILE*…practice makes perfect after all.

People answer this for me in the comments if you will. At what point does sex become less important to you than building something long term? When do/did you realize that about yourselves? At what point does meaningless sex become unattractive?

So…hours pass and my mind’s still racing. Fuck!