...so 5 years later...

Wow!

I was just googling myself (yeah its OK to google yourself now) and look what I found. 4 months of self deprecation and truth sprinkled with a little humor. Though I have another blog I started (half-assedly might I add) I decided to reclaim this one and use it instead. Although a lot needs to be updated, starting with those blog links to the left, I think this will work

So whats changed in 5 years?

Newest to oldest...

- i HATE caps at the beginning of sentences so here's where we say goodbye to that.
- i just got back from a pretty hot MaG in The Chi of all places with some good people from a good message board.
- michael jackson is DEAD!!! if 5 years ago you would have told me i'd be blogging those words i wouldn't have believed it.
- i gave up smoking...inhale...exhale.
- you can have a hit record with ten words and a hook...(see soljah boy)
- jay-z and beyonce are married.
- and i've gotten some in spurts LMAO!!!

i'm working for a satellite radio company in DC on the night shift so i'll have plenty of time to type my mindless musings and catch everyone up on my fun-filled weekends (sarcasm at work there people).

reading back, i still hang out with Tina semi-regularly, have abandoned my local Cheers and my babies are no longer living at home with me but are far-far away with their mother (don't cry for me...we speak almost daily).

a lot of story to catch up on. a lot of new characters to introduce. a lot of blog to come. its good to be back.

A Sleepless Night...

I’m comfortable. My body is tired from the day it just survived. The new day has crept in slowly and yet my subconscious is held captive by its evil twin…my consciousness. And as my well due sleep escapes me my mind races. Across all the wrongs I’ve done in my life that I have yet to right…all of the words that I haven’t had the courage to speak…all of the people that I let my busy life keep me from.

You know I always considered myself a “live today like it’s your last” type of person…but with each passing day I see how easy it is to do the exact opposite. How easy it is to think “Hey I made it through last night…I’ll call so-and-so tomorrow” “Whats one more day?” The excuses come easier.

Besides ignoring anyone that has actually taken the time to come and check for updates to my small piece of the planet here I’ve ignored one good friend after another. Years and years of relationships I’ve seemed to let slip into darkness…instead of taking 15 minutes to pick up a phone and breathing life into them. Well I make a vow to spend tomorrow burning up my remaining AT&T Go minutes breathing life into every relationship I can…but tonight…while I lay here I’ll take the time to update you guys on what’s been popping with me lately.

Well I don’t have my blog here to see whats the last thing I let you guys in on…so let me start by saying my daughter moved in with her moms last week. It ripped me up inside. Her last day here her and her brother came in with their report cards and I’ll be damned if that morning ritual of “G’s and O’s” didn’t pay off. She brought me nothing but Goods and Outstandings as grades. She actually listened to me…she actually maintained or exceeded every grade she got last quarter…and then she left. Did I mention it ripped me up?

Well its not like she’s not here every weekend…but still…it aint the same.

Now my son…he aint listen a lick. But I’m hoping that it was just a lack of focus. Because I took away every distraction I came across for the entire summer. Video games…computers…all that shit…gone. He seems to be adjusting though. I’m catching him with his nose in books instead of LCDs and there’s something fulfilling about the sight.

My three loyal readers…please tell me whats up with these damn late night commercials. I mean are there actually people out here that are so lonely and with so much cash that they will dish out $2.99 to talk to strangers on the phone? The vultures profiting from these disenfranchised and anti-social perverts should be lined up and forced to look at these whack ass commercials they’re putting out. This shit truly needs to end.

OH…speaking of television…on one of my recent string of “yall don’t pay me enough to do this shit-fuck work”-me-days I caught an episode of Sharon Osbourne’s talk show. PWAHAHAHA!!! I’m laughing now…but at the time the shit was as painful to watch as the Laker’s getting swept by fucking Detroit…FUCKING DETROIT??? Anyway…her opening monologue just left me asking one question…WHAT THE FUCK??? I mean has anyone else seen this shit? Now I don’t have cable…so the whole Osbourne craze flew right by me without a trace which may be the reason why watching her sit on a couch and talk was about as interesting as watching anyone besides Tiger Woods play 18 holes of golf. But then here comes the kicker…her first guest was Nelly. Yes the Tip Drill man himself rolls out…san-band aid above the eye…and proceeds to politic with this British chick. What they spoke about I can’t even lie and say I know because after the sheer shock of seeing these two sitting on a couch exchanging pleasantries faded the forced conversation just got to be too painful for me to bear. Click.

One more TV jewel I need to pass on here…mainly to the ladies. Divorce Court. Now this is what I call a fucking show. I mean I’m a half hour late to work damn near EVERY day to watch stupid fuckers who actually have to think to themselves at one point in time “No…getting a divorce itself is not embarrassing and degrading enough for us…No…let’s go do it on TV!!!” Oh yeah. A couple is getting their TV divorce and as usual a black man is playing the role of loafer/deadbeat dad. His wife is putting all of his business out there and complaining to her sister…the honorable Judge Mabeline Ethram (I love this chick by the way) about how she needs to collect this child support that her separated husband is not paying and has not been paying. By this time judge Mabeline has run his deadbeat ass over the hot coals long enough…she tired of toying with his clown ass and she’s ready to dispense some good old fashioned TV justice.

Judge: OK…so Sister Girl…you’re asking for child support right?
Wife: I sure am…Sister Girl. *insert air-high-five*
Judge: Well Deadbeat Dad…how much do you make a month?
Deadbeat: Well I pull in about 3 grand a month ma’am but I pay support for my other kids too. *insert dirty looks and eye rolls from every woman in the courtroom here*
Judge: Sister Girl…how much do you make a month?
Wife: Well I’m not working.
Judge: Sister Girl…you’re not working? Well how do you take care of your son?
Wife: His father is taking care of him *pointing to the deadbeat*
Judge: Oh! The deadbeat’s father is financially assisting with the baby?
Wife: No…the baby stays with its father…the deadbeat.


WHAT IN THE HOT HOLY FUCK IS GOING ON HERE????!!!

This “deadbeat” is raising his son while his wife is at home…feet kicked up on the leather couch and ottoman…watching her soaps on the big screen…popping Bon-Bons like Peg Bundy out this bitch and this freak wants to collect child support for it. PWAHAHAHAHA!!! Now as the wave of shock wears passes me I realize I can’t blame her. That’s the type of fucked up mentality this country’s family judicial system is perpetuating to our young sisters. She’s a victim here…she had a baby…the deadbeat aint with her no more…where’s her fucking check right? LMAO!!! OH MY GOD!!!

Now after the judge set the wife’s confused ass straight with a few choice words she ordered her to give up her life of leisure find a fucking job and pay child support to her newly ex’d husband. You gotta love judge Mabeline boy.

Aight people an update on my love life…this just in…my love life aint really about shit right now. No long term prospects in my future…though I am enjoying the time I get to spend with friends from time to time. I know Monie is just looking for the update on the sex issue? Well Monie, we won’t walk down that embarrassing trail again but to you and the rest of the commentators that thought the outlook of a second chance was bleak you definitely underestimated the power of the truth. Not only did I get a second chance…but I have a feeling that comfort has set in…and who knows how many times I’ll be offered to get it right *BIG SMILE*…practice makes perfect after all.

People answer this for me in the comments if you will. At what point does sex become less important to you than building something long term? When do/did you realize that about yourselves? At what point does meaningless sex become unattractive?

So…hours pass and my mind’s still racing. Fuck!

Aight Monie...

You and your funny ass...here's the update.

Really the weekend was not what I planned on at all.

First up I didn't make it up top to see my sister or to the joint at Slates to see Pumpkin-head Jodie and her man J.J. Let me tell yall with the cold that swooped through the area and the overcast that lasted all damn day it was looking like a "Sleep on the couch and watch Kung-Fu flicks" type of day. Add the fact that I was suffering from some 24 hour head cold thing and it was a wrap.

I called my lil sister who happened to be out shopping for the party and left a message with a house guest that picked up the phone...

"Hey...tell Lee that this is her big bruh calling and I'm not gonna make it up for the party. Tell her I know I'm a shit head but I'll be up next month for the 4th."

Boy when she catches up with me I'll probably get an earful. Speaking of which I forgot to call Pumpkin-head Jodie and give her the same courtesy call so when I got back to work the following Tuesday I was greeted by a nice email telling me "Yeah I see you're ducking me with your punk ass...yada yada yada" If I aint have so much love for her I might have taken offense...LMAO.

Anyways...on to what I'm sure my vast audience of three want to know...did I get some?

Well peeps...I got some. *BIG SMILE*

No...No...No...Hold the champagne and streamers...there was a catch.

Now the story goes like this...since 12 I've been fucking (if you can call it that at that age) and since 16 I've been having what I refer to as intimacy issues. Especially after I've been married and have been so used to running raw and not suiting up. So in laymen's terms...the first time is usually not the best time.

So this young lady who I plied with liquor and convinced to share my roof for the evening did not leave ecstatic...but if I can work out a second appearance and history holds true it'll be a lot better for both of us.

Ok...now that I've thoroughly embarrassed myself in front of you three...lemme get my ass up outta here. Monie...congrats again on the new gig...gimme a dollar nucka!!!

Big Weekend Plans...

Ok...I had to put this up in advance. Put my energies and intentions out there to sort of push me along...sorta help me reach my goals.

So this weekend...and yall hold me to it ok...I will go to Jersey to see my lil sister Lee...I will make it to Manhattan for this party at Slates (looking so sexy I'll actually get my face on the show being taped there)...and I will get some for the first time this year. That’s right the first time...what of it.

Hold me to my word yall...and wish me luck

Memorial Wash...

The holiday weekend was a wash.

No special plans except catching a couple of laps in the pool...but the cold weather even kept me from that.

Sunday I caught that WB American Idol spin-off...Superstar USA. Now for those that haven’t seen it...you haven’t missed much. The highlights are pretty much an anorexic cat in high heels, mid drift and belly ring with Madonna moves and a blonde Brittany Spears wanna be with a nice rack who reads the words of the songs she sings to America off the palm of her hand...very poorly at that...LMAO!!!

But the one premise I can’t get past is that these people dont get that they cannot sing. I mean I love my own voice in the shower too but damnit I know I can’t sing.

My Memorial Day was really relaxing too. TV was once again my companion. I caught a marathon of Colonial House on PBS that got me through the bulk of the day. This show for those that may not have seen it before is a group of volunteers that do a Survivor-esque rendition of the first colonies that came to America in the early 1600's. It kept me enthralled especially when members of the Passamaquoddy and Wampanoag (the "thanksgiving's day tribe") tribes paid visits to the newly founded colony. Historically sound...entertaining and riveting...I loved this show and was upset I missed the season.

My Monday evening brought a call from my ex wife's latest husband. He told me...or should I say my voice mail...many things including the fact that my ex-wife was interested in having my eldest daughter come and live with her. The thought did not sit well with me at all...so I waited for my daughter to get home and asked her about the issue. She was adamant about moving in with her mother…excited even at the thought of home schooling for her upcoming 2nd grade move. I didn’t get it...and in fact still dont. But I spoke with some close friends...Danny and Tina...and they both ensured me that it was normal. I agreed to let her try the move after I am given a specific plan that I can agree to.

But still I wondered if it was something that I had done wrong. If I had not been the great parent that I thought myself to be. So Pumpkin-Head Jodie was the next council that I sought. Jodie...the cautious female 007 that she is had me slow my roll. She tells me to talk to my daughter again and get the reasons she wants to go. Agree to nothing...yet. I gotta say I love her for that. Her words hit home "Kids need parents...regardless of gender". Just cause she's their mom doesn’t mean she can do a better job at raising a woman. It gave me much to think on.

The Educational Weekend

I learned a lot…

Ok…where to start? It’s always easy to say you know something but much harder to put that knowledge into action. Well this weekend was just the kick in the ass that I needed to help me turn all that around. I’ve always been the type to put others needs before my own. Now don’t get it twisted…I do at times have an extremely inflated sense of self and can get into a Biggie and Method Man state of mind (Fuck the world…don’t ask me for shit) but if I know you and you aint made it to the shit list yet…I usually put you first…after my moms and shorties that is.

So Friday…I’m stuck behind this desk till 10:00PM. Now I’m enjoying the flex schedule that goes along with these late Fridays. But I’ll be damned if it wasn’t supposed to be a three week cover until they filled a job that opened up here. This shit is killing my Friday night debauchery. 10:01 hit and I was headed home but I really missed the calling of my watering hole and I had gotten a call just a half hour earlier from a friend, Tina, that was down in the spot that told me it was popping off in there…so I busted a quick U and headed into DC. She was right…it was packed and all the familiar faces were there. I felt like George Wendt rolling up into Cheers…”Norm!!! Noooor-man!!!” LMAO!!! Anyway I snuck in a quick double shot of my favorite sipping cognac…caught up with a few old friends and found my way to Tina’s table to give her some face time.

To any brothers that may have found their way to this blog let me share this with yall so maybe you too can learn this valuable lesson I was passed on at that table. Tina got up and disappeared for a while at which time her girls were left to give me the third degree about what was going on with me and their girl. I gathered from their tone that they were being told have truths and partial stories…or maybe it was just the liquor talking. When she got back she got to whispering to one of her girls I just met that evening. Brothers, here’s where her girl dropped the scoop to me.

“So what? She just wanted the dick with no strings attached! Whats wrong with that? You guys do it all the time!”

WHATTHEFUCK??? Right there I knew the stories she was passing on weren’t on the money cause the dick or any strings that might be attached to it never came up in any of our conversations. I looked over at her and she turned bright red. I snuck up close to her free ear and asked if that’s what she wanted. “Negative” “Maybe” and “If so whats wrong with that” is all she responded with.

After all this talk lately about the reversal of rolls in this society I wasn’t too shocked by the news. But ladies…if you wanna be out there getting a piece from whoever then own up to it…don’t get shy about it.

None the less…it wasn’t gonna happen that night. She had plans to meet up with some friends afterwards and I was just too tired to play 3:00AM booty call. So I walked her to her whip and saw her off on her merry way.

5:00AM Saturday morning I’m awakened by Jay-Z singing “Turn my music high-High-HIGH-ER. You don’t know what you do to me” which I set as the music tone on my new celly. I pick up the call and was greeted by Tina on the other end telling me she couldn’t move her legs and they were burning. I can hear her slurring her words a bit (obviously still a bit under the influence) so I don’t panic too much but just ask her is everything aight.

“Yeah I was just working out the other day and my legs are killing me…what you doing?”
“Its 5:00 on a Saturday morning shorty…what do you think I’m doing?”
“Oh…ok go back to sleep.”
“Gee…thanks” I mumbled to myself after she hung up…”aint this a bitch”

Right then I could tell Saturday was gonna be one helluva day.

I tried to get a few hours sleep before having to return to work early that day to take care of some business that just couldn’t wait until my scheduled time of arrival. Between the work related calls and the frustration I was feeling it was a wash.

So I get off of work at 6 that evening race to BWI airport to pick up a friend and his girl that are flying back home from the Midwest and make my way out to New Carrolton to spend some time to hear about their trip and throw back a Corona. Jay-Z screams out once more and I hit my call button to see who’s looking to have a conversation with me. Tina. She’s in Adams Morgan with her friends and is wondering if I’ll be able to make it out there. Now I’m tired…but I enjoy her company…she makes me smile (at times other than 5:00AM on a Saturday morning that is) and I decide to make my way through the Adams Morgan traffic to see her. After an hour of cruising trying to find a parking spot, cause I absolutely refuse to dish out 15 bones to park in a damned lot, she hits me up again and lets me know that a spot is free in front of the spot that they are just leaving. So I rough off a few gawkers straight Brooklyn style and zoom into the spot…LIGHTWEIGHTS!!! LMAO!

We make our way to Heaven and Hell and cop some drinks. I had a great time with her and her boys. They all went to college together so I’m not really up on all their jokes and stories but I don’t feel like too much of an outsider and hell I’m so tired right about then that it really don’t matter one way or another to me. 12:30 rolls around and I see that they are in no way near finished partying so I tell shorty that I’m about to jet. I give into her request to stay a little longer. I just love a woman in a skirt and the way she puts her cheek to mine so that I can hear her voice over the music…so I give her another half hour. 1:00AM rolls through and the thought of the long drive home to VA or even the thought of an alcohol induced night of passion just isnt doing it for me…so I bounce.

Sunday morning makes it’s way to existence and I’m awakened early by my youth telling me that their moms is on her way early to pick them up. Now this may not shock you as much as it still does me but know that this chick is an hour late for everything…I’m literally talking EVERYTHING!!! So I get one head cut and the other two braided up nice and tight and shove em out the door. I get an invite to be the third wheel to the movies and decide to call Tina up and invite her. She declines…so I decline…and Sunday goes out like a lamb.

Monday morning. I get my shorties off to school and crash on the futon for another hour before the idea of dinner comes to mind. Damn I hate cooking. So I shower…and get ready to do battle with the army of cicadas that are infesting the area. I hit 411 to get the number of the fashion company my girl Pumpkin-Head Jodie is doing her 40 hours a week at. Today…May 24th is her birthday and I gotta wish her the best. She’s been in my life since I was 16. She was my first love. She unwittingly helped me get my life back on track after I went through my divorce and I at least owe her a call.

“(Insert company name here), how can I help you?”
“Yeah is Pumpkin-Head Jodie around?”
“I believe that Ms Pumpkin-Head has stepped out to lunch. But let me buzz her to make sure”
Buzz her? I guess that super long title she ran off and tried to break down to me really holds some weight…cause I’ve never known someone that could be ‘buzzed’…LOL.

I get her voice mail and proceed to leave one of my long winded messages of birthday glad tidings while mispronouncing her latest boyfriend, JR’s, name.

As an aside: She, as well as many others, feels I do this on purpose… (Although in her case it might be true…hell she was my heart damnit!!! LOL) but the fact is that I know quite a lot of women. Women that go through men like they do lipstick colors and I just do not have the free ‘known-good’ brain cells left to waste on these Geek-of-the-Weeks. So I park all these fuckers’ names in the half-baked cells that are on their last legs on the right side of my cerebellum...so I can get real creative with em when need be. When they put a ring on their fingers and a bun in the oven I’ll commit their asses to memory.

Anyway Pumpkin-Head Jodie hits me back minutes later. I hit her with the 20 questions about her b-day weekend and grill her about what Ray-Jay, her black male model boyfriend, got her. I think I’ll put up a separate entry about her later on in the week. She can’t realize how big a part she played in my life and I think she deserves it.

So the kids are in bed Monday evening and my celly starts to play a salsa cut letting me know that I’ve got a text message waiting. It’s Tina asking me if I enjoyed my movie on Sunday. I let her know that I decided not to go cause I didn’t want to play the third wheel. It turns out that she didn’t come because she was tired and all I could think to myself was “I was tired every time I took my ass out to see her this weekend”. But the lesson to be learned is to do what you want and nothing more because no one owes you anything in return.

My Weekend...all late and shit!!!

I know it’s late but better later than never right?

Now I work Saturdays, unlike most, so my weekend is Sunday and Monday. But Saturday I was able to get up with a good friend of mine and do some hanging out...if you can call it that.

A little background intel: This friend I met some months back...during Happy Hour at my favorite watering hole. She caught my eye and kept my interest by being more amused by her own jokes than my man sitting across from her was. I love a woman with a sense of humor even if it’s a strange one. *short version* We finally got together and have been pretty cool friends since. It doesn’t seem to be progressing past that...but its cool cause she's tons of fun to hang with and sometimes seems to be just as bewildered by this whole dating/relationship thing as I am...which is a plus in my book.

So...me and my planning originally had a birthday house party, a games party (spades, dominos and such) and as a back-up a house party out in Southeast with a DJ and the whole nine. By the time I got off of work the house party was done...the games party was cancelled of course and I forgot to get the address for the party out in SE. Trust me...it did not end well. After driving around aimlessly for a while we finally found an all night diner and watched the end of the LA vs. SAC game. Go Lakers!!!! I still had a good time though I can’t say the same for shorty.

So Sunday morning...way too early mind you...my adopted lil sister V calls me up to invite me to dinner. She tells me she had a breakfast planned but had to switch it up due to cancellations (yeah she's the Martha Stewart of my two adopted sisters...LOL). At the mention of breakfast the sleep rushed outta my eyes and it was all a go. So my son and his anti-social ass decided playing upstairs with his friend would be more exciting than joining the rest of us on an outing so the three of us, my daughters and I, made our way into DC to her townhouse after making a quick stop for some sparkling wine and mango juice (I told yall she was a damned Martha Stewart).

Breakfast...I can’t tell you how good it was. Biscuits...eggs with stuff in there that I'm sure the more sophisticated palate would recognize...shrimp something or another and another dish I'm just too damned gully to describe helped my hangover lovely. Damn I love that girl...LOL.

The afternoon held a special surprise in store for me as my phone rang and I received an invite to do something I had been dying to do. After securing my shorties at the baby sitter (their damned momma) I was picked up by a young lady I'll refer to as...well damnit I can’t think of name on such short notice...but she picked me up. And drove me to the airport...actually just outside of the airport where she shared the landing of airplanes with me. You sit there and these big ass metal birds fly over you so close you swear you could just reach up and touch em. The water of the river at your feet...the sun beating down on you...and good conversation...I was won over. The day was now a good one.

I could only secure my sitter for a couple of hours so I couldn’t stay as long as I wanted. I wanted to learn more about this young lady. Learn more of her language and culture. Just enjoy sharing her space in that surreal place. But responsibility can be a bitch sometimes so we had to cut it short. But it’s on my "To Do Again" list...definitely.

My Monday...was a flop. I had plans on visiting a friend for the first time out in B-MORE. She wasn’t up to it...and I could hear it in her voice so I gave her a graceful out...and she "reluctantly" took it. I came into work...and pimped the J.O. for their bandwidth and surfed the web to my hearts content. You know I realized...work isnt a bad place as long as you can do whatever the fuck you want and get there and leave when ever you feel like it. LMAO!!!

Aight...I'll let yall know how this coming weekend is if nothing more pressing comes up before then.